Part 1: Doubt. To be sure.

Picture taken from Pinterest.

You look into the silver grey eyes of your newborn baby girl as doubt gnaws at your heart. There is no question of who the baby’s father is; she is yours, you are the father. Why then, is there this doubt, this worry like an incessant headache of the mind, pounding, pounding, shaking the foundations of your soul? You smile mechanically at your wife who wraps you in her tender embrace. Waves of memory overtake you as you remember how you two had gotten together. It was not the happiest of beginnings, to be sure, and it continues to be scarcely mentioned for that reason.

You see, there were three of them---the classic love triangle.

You were brothers, not by blood but by choice. Both excelled at the same sports, preferred Coke over Pepsi, enjoyed listening to Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan while studying, and even saved all the orange skittles for last. It was not so much a surprise when you both fell in love with the same girl, and she with you. It was never clear who she had preferred out of the pair of you, and it is your greatest fear that, despite your ring on her finger, the matter is still unresolved.

It was a tragic accident in senior year that was the deciding factor; both of you were involved in a car accident on the way home from soccer practice. You were lucky and had your seat belt on, your friend, not so much. The screeching of tires was still echoing in your head as she threw her arms around you in the waiting area of ER and sobbed, glad that you were still alive.

“Adam, how is Adam?”

That was the first question she had asked and it haunts you to this very day.

“He…he didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.”

The words, unspoken, remained in your head.

There is just the two of us now.

She fell into your arms, weeping, her fingers occasionally feeling for your heartbeat, reassuring herself that at least you are still alive. Later, she would tell you that she loves you, that it has only ever been you, and not Adam. Adam, who is buried ten feet underground. You were so happy, so happy when she had said yes to your proposal. You thought you had won, that she has chosen you, but you can never and will never be sure.

Staring into your baby girl's eyes, the colour so much like your own. 

You wish you could be sure.


to be continued...