Letter to a future lover

I know what I want, but I may have forgotten how to compromise along the way. Do you know what you want? Do you know if I am what you want?

Lifestyle is important, and I don't mean just music. Although it would be ideal if we listen to similar genres, rhythms, tunes, it's equally as challenging to find someone who has an opinion on music. Saying that you listen to "a bit of everything" is not an opinion. Only listening to Top 40, or what is the trend of the year, is not "an opinion". I'm not saying you need to know all the greatest bands that ever lived, but it would be nice if you knew who Nirvana was beyond "Smells like Teen Spirit".

When I say "lifestyle" I really meant "values". I'm not talking about good old family values, the white picket fence, the dog, the Betty Crocker, the 9 to 5. Maybe it's getting easier for women to find men who are not ashamed to identify as feminists without it turning into a "but men are oppressed too" argument; because we are not saying that your lives don't matter, you assholes, we are just saying that ours do too, and we are talking about ours right now because we are the ones disproportionately being date raped, sexually assaulted, trafficked, abused, murdered. I am also talking about mental health and addictions awareness, being trauma-informed, being culturally sensitive and aware, being respective, being a LGBTQ ally, recognizing that it is a privilege to live on unceded First Nations land. You don't even have to be passionate about or as knowledgeable these things as I am. Basically I just want you not to be an asshole, and I want you to educate yourself if you realize you are ignorant.

Social justice is important to me. It is not just my work, it has always been my life. You don't live through being called a "chink" in elementary school without being forcibly reminded that you are different, that you somehow don't belong. You don't grow up with a brother who has autism without learning a bit about people who are not "neurotypical", who may not understand the same social cues and norms that we do.

More than anything, I need someone who can understand me without wanting to change me. Someone who can sit with me in the dark rather than thinking they need to bring a light. Someone who I can be vulnerable with, and someone who can be vulnerable with me.